The most iconic structure in Lisbon, Portugal is the Belem Tower, an ornate 16th century creation that sits near the mouth of the Tagus River. When people display pictures of Lisbon, it’s there, and it’s gorgeous. Perhaps the finest architectural site in Lisbon is the Jerónimos Monastery, not far away from the tower. The neighborhood of Lisbon in which they sit, called Belem, is home to at least five other top-tier sites, some right next to each other.
This is bad. This is bad because that makes Belem into not a real neighborhood. It’s been changed into a tourist hive some time ago, and there’s no bouncing back from such a social ordinance. This is also bad because Belem is not really right in Lisbon. It’s six kilometers west of the city center, which in Tokyo would mean it’s still comfortably inside the city but in Lisbon that means you’re quite outside the heart of things.
Thus, the route and the destination are jammed with like-minded folks all taking this voyage to touristland. People jump on the 15E tram from the Praça do Comércio, the heart of the city, ride 15 minutes downstream to Belem, and pour en masse out into a strip along the river that contains little but those handful of big sights and a small strip of restaurants that cater for them. It’s a bit like visiting the Mall in Washington, DC, that strip containing the monuments and museums and nothing natural about a city. And little good food.
Moreover, the sights there in Belem are sometimes just that, sights. A structure upon which to gaze. Not really a destination. If you visit Lisbon, you almost are sure to take this junket-like day sojourn to Belem. Let’s walk through and I’ll show you.
The day I visited, the tram was not running in the morning and thus I became acquainted with a local bus that got me there, but usually the trip is straightforward–you line up at the central Praça do Comércio in Lisbon behind the fifty other tourists who will try to get on the tram with you, and ride to the stop that’s right by the vast monastery in Belem. Just get off when everyone else does; transportation mistakes are not possible. Once there, walk briskly, do not amble, to the line of people stretching outside the monastery, which is just to the left of the adjacent church. Just aim your gaze for the line. You want to beat the fifty other people from the tram who are heading for the same thing, but that’s possible as they are not as intelligently focused as you shall be.
The monastery. Notice everyone wandering around, wondering what to look at.
After about 45 minutes, when you get to the front of the line (a hat in this situation helps), pay your 10€ or get a combined ticket with some other Belem sites (various prices up to 25€), and go see the monastery, which mainly consists of people walking around the edges of the two-story cloister. Afterwards, duck into the church (free), half of which will be roped off. You can drop by later to see if that half is now open (and the other half roped off).
Monument to the Discovers. How far would you walk to see these statues?
You’re now off to the next checklist attraction. Another big postcard-type, top-tier sight is the Monument to the Discovers, which will be described in your guidebook as “just across the street”, a statement that would hold up in court testimony, but that means walking through some open gardens, around a fountain, and then searching for the underground walkway (can’t there be a sign for this thing?) that gets you across the very busy highway to a plaza and then to the monument. This is a “Hooray for us” modern structure build in the 1960s and is simply one of those things just to look at from the outside and snap a photo. That’s about it. You can enter and go to the top for 3€, but unless you have a good zoom lens, you won’t get good photos of the surrounding buildings from the top; you’re too far away.
Put on your walking shoes for the beautiful walk to the Tower
After that fun diversion, take the surprisingly long walk to the Belem Tower, downriver and just visible. Gorgeous from the outside, it’s another photo stop. Or, you can pay 6€ to see that there’s really nothing inside. Empty stone space, and one, just one, tiny circular staircase to the top (30 meters, 98 feet), that serves people going both up and down. A mini siren system coordinates when foot traffic can move either up or down the staircase, but that means you’ll wait, a long time. When I arrived up top, I almost immediately got in the line to go back down, a line that snaked around the top of the tower twice. Everyone falling in behind me exclaimed, “Oh my god, THIS is the line??”
Seriously, there is *nothing* inside the tower. There’s also nothing up top except the view of not many things around you. It’s absolutely not worth entering and fighting your way up and down that staircase. If you insist upon going inside the tower, at least buy a combination ticket when you first stopped at the monastery back in step 1 (monastery + tower + plus whatever else you plan). That way you don’t have to wait in line for successive sight; you just flash your ticket.
This is about as close as you need to get to the Tower
You’re hungry now, of course you are. The tourist thing, the must-eat, in Belem is the original egg tart produced by the Pastéis de Belém bakery, in that little strip of restaurants down the street from the sights. You’ll spot it easily, as the line for those egg tarts is out the door and down the street. Want in?
I needed lunch, and so walked to the end of the strip, farthest away from everything, past many other restaurants, to one called Queijadas de Belem where I ordered their seafood rice and some potatoes. I visited the bathroom just in time to pass the kitchen door and see them take my plate of rice out of the microwave. The meal was much less than great.
The French couple sitting next to me ordered hamburgers and Cokes. They stared at their pieces of meat when they came out, eating in silence. “Was it good?” I asked them after they cleaned their plates. “No,” they said.
There are other attractions here in sunny Belem, such as the coach museum and the navy museum, and with the right attitude, they may be worth it, but I’d rather go back to a real neighborhood and hang out. I got in line with the other tourists waiting for the tram (working now) back to Lisbon proper. It was a personal failure that I didn’t do that before eating.
It’s not that visiting Belem is not worth it. I snapped some great photos of the monastery, and the tower was something I’ve wanted to see for a long time. No one sight there is worth the experience, but collectively they may be. I’d rather spend a day wandering the Alfama district of Lisbon soaking up the atmosphere and not seeing any guidebook sights than go to Belem. Again, Belem is like braving the Mall in Washington, DC. Just be prepared for it to be a massive tourist zone, then get the hell out. Go back to a real neighborhood and find a stiff drink and a nice dinner.
